forever the same.

You know the feeling when you're hungry, and you tell yourself you like it? But the bad food devil in your head is screaming - "You're hungry! You're hungry! Refuel! Right now!". So you kind of like the feeling of being hungry, of knowing that you only ate, or rather haven't ate, as much as you needed to, but at the same time you have this unbelievable craving for food? Yeah, that's happening to me. Right now.

I only had three apples today... one apple is 62 cal, that's a total of 186 cal. I saw that my friend picked out her five small slices of cucumber from her lunch today, so I ate those for her.. I'm just guessing they are 14 cal. It was five small slices, seriously. So the total for today would be approx. 200 cal. I call that.. good. I have to weigh myself, too.

108 lbs.

stay skinny, loves.
weightless.

hush, hush.

I just weighed myself on the brand newww electronic scale. I love it. I didn't eat since I woke up, which was four hours ago, and I got 48.8 kg, which is 107.5 lbs. I don't know if I should be happy or not, since I did well.. not eat, but now I'm scared to eat (my mom's taking me out to eat today) in case it goes back up again. I hope not, seriously..

So. I just came back from eating. It was a buffet kind of place? >.<. Instead of the steak that I would've got (it was a steak restaurant, with an all you can eat salad bar), I got grilled chicken. I cut two thirds of it for my mom, in exchange for a quarter of steak. Deal! I peeled the skin off, because.. just, ew. There was a sunny side up and noodles along with the chicken. Ate like, half of the noodles with the sunny side up. Then, for the salad bars... oh joy. Had two small bowls of salad with thousand island dressing (meh, meh, meh. hush.), and another bowl of alfalfa sprouts and onions with A1 sauce (17 calories... say hi to my new dressing). Which would seem fine, right? I just had to pig out. There were small rectangles of toast, so I ate three small rectangles of it. With the sauce. One strawberry, one custard, one garlic. Gah, gah, gah! And I had bowl after bowl (four, in total) of popcorn and ice cream. I'm going to calculate today's calories, the whole meal, into 1500 cal. Which is already nice to my sanity...

Thank god I took six kelp pills. Someone told me they were placebos. Any confirmations on this?

dreading tomorrow ,

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. Tomorrow is crap day (also known as the day where we weigh ourselves) and I pigged out today. Dammit! I had a tuna sandwich for breakfast, some rice for lunch, a little bit of bread as a snack, and when I came home, full blown dinner. And cookies. I just weighed myself on the new scale, and it came up as (can you believe it?!) 111.4 lbs. I think I'm going to puke just thinking about the fat on my body. I have decided, since I saw 111.4 flashing up at me, that I'm going to fast tomorrow, until the crap hour. Which is the last period. Which means.. 7 hours of fasting? Hell, I can take it. I think the most I'll do is eat an apple in the morning and an apple in the afternoon. I don't want to eat, I don't want to eat...

not so day six.

Didn't finish the diet. I just couldn't see another bowl of cabbage soup eye to eye. I felt like I would rather vomit than eat it. So... I stopped the diet. And ate a bunch of carbs just now. Not going to lie, I love carbs. So much, so much, so much. I missed it so much. I don't feel disgusting just now, because I know that after being on a low carb diet for almost a week, I need a few days of normal eating to break the plateau I'm in. I'm still at 48 kg. At least I dropped 1 kg, right? All I have to do is drop one more in the two day apple diet... just one more.